Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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