1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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