I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
