im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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