come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
