My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
