You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
