We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
