mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
