Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
