My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
