Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
