I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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