I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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