If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
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are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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