I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
