i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
