PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
