the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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