When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
