trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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