Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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