I could have mohawked her pubes.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
