i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
