my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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