and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
