Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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