Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
