everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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