I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
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