So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
