omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
