Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
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