i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
