omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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