Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
