Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Randomize
