I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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