You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Fuck appropriateness.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
