sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
