she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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