i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
