please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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