Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Girls should come with a carfax report
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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