While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
