Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
