He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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