Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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