So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
