I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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