I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I think i got beer on your cat.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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