What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Life is so much better after having sex.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
