why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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