I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
