I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
