haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
