I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
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He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
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You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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