Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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