I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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