She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You were trust falling into bushes
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
