I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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