I'm lost and stupid without you.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
