But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
