we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
