i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
