i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
