I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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