Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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