I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
