Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
My ass is underappreciated
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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