my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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