Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
