Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
