I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
